AwakenHer with Corissa Stepp

Defining Narcissism: The 10 Types of Narcissists and How They Show Up in Relationships

January 16, 2024 Corissa Stepp Season 3 Episode 50
Defining Narcissism: The 10 Types of Narcissists and How They Show Up in Relationships
AwakenHer with Corissa Stepp
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AwakenHer with Corissa Stepp
Defining Narcissism: The 10 Types of Narcissists and How They Show Up in Relationships
Jan 16, 2024 Season 3 Episode 50
Corissa Stepp

Embark on a voyage through the intricate landscape of narcissism as we unravel the patterns of behaviors and traits of this personality type. 

This episode isn't about pointing fingers; it’s an intimate exploration aimed at cultivating an understanding of those who wrestle with the deep scars of their past.
 
Prepare to dismantle the myths surrounding "narcissist" and discover the humanity lying beneath the surface. We'll spotlight the grandiose narcissist, dissect their allure, and uncover how their quest for adulation impacts their connections with the world.

As our journey progresses, we encounter the communal narcissist, cloaked in benevolence yet hungering for applause, the vulnerable narcissist who appears insecure and shy and the malignant narcissist, whose art of manipulation casts a dark shadow on their every interaction. 

Through deep discussion, we'll learn how to spot these personalities and protect our own well-being. With an eye for detail, I'll guide you through the often-overlooked facets of the somatic and cerebral narcissists and the chilling domain of the sadistic subtype, arming you with the knowledge to foster healthier relationships and personal growth. Don't forget the inverted narcissist, for which you'll have to tune in to learn more.

Closing our session, I extend a heartfelt invitation to continue the conversation beyond today's podcast. 

Your reflections and personal experiences matter, and I'm eager to hear your thoughts,  feedback and questions. 

For those seeking a more tailored exploration, my one-on-one coaching offers a space for individual discovery. 

Let's keep the dialogue alive - let me know if you have any questions and which type of narcissist(s) you've encountered!

________________________

Corissa is a Somatic Trauma-Informed Relationship Coach™ & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist ™ who empowers women after they’ve endured narcissist trauma to rediscover who they are, reclaim their power and find the clarity and courage to move forward and live a life they love. Corissa is also a recovering people-pleaser and codependent who has endured way too many narcissistic relationships to count! She coaches not only from her knowledge and training but also from the wisdom she has gained from her own healing journey.

Book a FREE 30-minute Confidential Clarity Call HERE.

Ways to connect with Corissa:

Podcast Website
Website: www.corissastepp.com
Community: StrongHER
Instagram: @corissastepp
Facebook: Corissa Stepp

We'd love to hear what you think so leave a voice message on our Podcast Website. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, review, or share it so we can reach more people!

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Embark on a voyage through the intricate landscape of narcissism as we unravel the patterns of behaviors and traits of this personality type. 

This episode isn't about pointing fingers; it’s an intimate exploration aimed at cultivating an understanding of those who wrestle with the deep scars of their past.
 
Prepare to dismantle the myths surrounding "narcissist" and discover the humanity lying beneath the surface. We'll spotlight the grandiose narcissist, dissect their allure, and uncover how their quest for adulation impacts their connections with the world.

As our journey progresses, we encounter the communal narcissist, cloaked in benevolence yet hungering for applause, the vulnerable narcissist who appears insecure and shy and the malignant narcissist, whose art of manipulation casts a dark shadow on their every interaction. 

Through deep discussion, we'll learn how to spot these personalities and protect our own well-being. With an eye for detail, I'll guide you through the often-overlooked facets of the somatic and cerebral narcissists and the chilling domain of the sadistic subtype, arming you with the knowledge to foster healthier relationships and personal growth. Don't forget the inverted narcissist, for which you'll have to tune in to learn more.

Closing our session, I extend a heartfelt invitation to continue the conversation beyond today's podcast. 

Your reflections and personal experiences matter, and I'm eager to hear your thoughts,  feedback and questions. 

For those seeking a more tailored exploration, my one-on-one coaching offers a space for individual discovery. 

Let's keep the dialogue alive - let me know if you have any questions and which type of narcissist(s) you've encountered!

________________________

Corissa is a Somatic Trauma-Informed Relationship Coach™ & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist ™ who empowers women after they’ve endured narcissist trauma to rediscover who they are, reclaim their power and find the clarity and courage to move forward and live a life they love. Corissa is also a recovering people-pleaser and codependent who has endured way too many narcissistic relationships to count! She coaches not only from her knowledge and training but also from the wisdom she has gained from her own healing journey.

Book a FREE 30-minute Confidential Clarity Call HERE.

Ways to connect with Corissa:

Podcast Website
Website: www.corissastepp.com
Community: StrongHER
Instagram: @corissastepp
Facebook: Corissa Stepp

We'd love to hear what you think so leave a voice message on our Podcast Website. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, review, or share it so we can reach more people!

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Stepping into Meaningful Relationships podcast. I'm your host, carissa Stepp. I'm a somatic, trauma-informed coach and narcissistic abuse specialist. This is a podcast for you if you are looking to improve your most important relationship, the one you have with yourself, so you can more meaningfully and deeply connect with those around you. This podcast will equip you with valuable tools, tips and tricks essential for recovering from toxic relationships, and guide you towards cultivating healthy, fulfilling and intimate connections with others. But first, let's start with you. I'm so excited you're here taking this powerful step forward. Thank you for tuning in. Now let's get to today's episode. Hey, hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Stepping into Meaningful Relationships. I'm your host, carissa Stepp, and I'm so excited that you're here with me today. Thank you so much for tuning in.

Speaker 1:

Today we're going to be talking about the 10 different types of narcissists. I received a lot of questions after last week's episode, where we laid out the top 12 internal red flags that might indicate that you're in a narcissistic relationship. So there are four main types and then there are three different subtypes, and within each subtype there are two sub-subtypes, I guess I would say. Before we do that, though, I really just wanted to share with you how I feel about the word narcissist, because it's gained a lot of popularity in recent years, and I think that a lot of times, it's often being misused as a way to speak negatively or to label or judge someone. And for me, like when I'm using the word narcissist yes, I'm using it because it's easily identifiable in some ways, but, that being said, what I'm really using it for is a way to describe certain patterns and traits. So, in other words, a narcissist is a deeply wounded, deeply insecure individual who has experienced some kind of trauma as a result of, oftentimes, dysfunctional family dynamics, and so I would love to invite you to listen to what I'm about to share with some compassion in your heart.

Speaker 1:

Okay, it's very easy for us to sit here and talk about narcissists like they are, these terrible, awful people. The thing is is that we all have narcissistic tendencies. Right, there is a healthy level of narcissism that we all hold. The differentiation is is that a narcissist, in the way in which we are using that term, identifies somebody who goes about trying to meet their needs in a way that is harmful towards other people not harmful towards themselves, harmful towards other people. And if you're with somebody who uses these types of behaviors and tactics that are harmful towards you to get their needs met because, in effect, what they're saying is that their needs are more important than yours, then that's not a healthy relationship, right? That's not a healthy dynamic. But it's what they have learned. They have learned how to behave this way because it was the only way in which they were going to get their needs met as a child. So just keep that in the back of your mind. I would love to come at this with a more compassionate viewpoint, so that you can see that these really are just really hurt individuals. That doesn't mean that you need to stay in relationship with them. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't have boundaries with them. That doesn't mean that you have to make excuses for their behavior. That doesn't mean that you need to tolerate the abuse. So with that, let's dive in to the 10 types of narcissists.

Speaker 1:

Some of you may be familiar with the terms covert and overt narcissist, and that's typically the two main types I think most people are familiar with outside of the grandiose narcissist. So overt and covert are actually a subtype of the four main types of narcissists. The four main types are the grandiose narcissist. This is the narcissist. That is the classic example, right, I always think of John Hames character in Mad Men when I think of a grandiose narcissist. They are very outgoing, they're very charming, they're very charismatic. They're the type of narcissist that most people associate with the word narcissist. They're generally high functioning, they can be very captivating, they often are very successful in what they do and they can be very exhibitionist. Right, they're the type of narcissist that might have the flashy cars and the really nice, you know, watches and shoes and outward appearance that would make it seem like they kind of have it all together. That makes them look really successful. Because you know they might believe that it's necessary for them almost to kind of put it all in display for people to see them in a position of strength or power, and so if they highly value material things, then you're going to probably see that kind of showing up in how they present themselves to the outer world and oftentimes people who know a grandiose narcissist from the outside will see them as this really friendly and charming and really nice type of person. Right, they're the kind of person that when they walk into a room they might command a lot of attention, and so a lot of people might think very highly of them, obviously behind closed doors. It's a very different situation.

Speaker 1:

The grandiose narcissist the other thing about them is that they tend to really be very egocentric, right, they tend to be mostly interested in themselves and that's it. So you'll find that every conversation with a grandiose narcissist always ends up coming back to them, right? They're not really interested in you. They don't really care about your life, your story, how you're doing or any of those things. They just get bored. If you start talking about yourself for too long, it always has. The conversation always has to circle back to them how they're feeling, how what they're thinking, what they've experienced. And they tend to really have this superiority complex right, where they really do believe that they're more important, that they're better than everybody else. And the flip side of that is that, ironically, they're actually really, really desperate in some ways to feel important. So one of their biggest core wounds is that I'm not important, so their actions are going to overcompensate for that.

Speaker 1:

Then there's the vulnerable narcissist. Now these are the closet narcissists, or, more typically, even categorized by the subtype of a covert narcissist, backtracking to the grandiose narcissist. The grandiose narcissist is more often associated with the subtype of overt narcissist People. Narcissists despise being the center of attention. They tend to be a little bit more introverted, so they're not going to be as outgoing as the grandiose narcissist. They might still be very charismatic and they could be very charming. It's just not going to be on display in a very ostentatious way or an egregious way like the grandiose narcissist. They might actually be very deeply insecure and fragile. From an outside perspective, vulnerable narcissists are deeply wounded and deeply insecure people. However, oftentimes with a grandiose narcissist it's not going to be as obvious that they're insecure, although obviously, if you can see through some of their behaviors, you might identify very quickly that they're just really trying to prove their value and prove their worth because they are so insecure, whereas a vulnerable narcissist they might come off as very insecure, which can actually be very off-putting when you witness a vulnerable narcissist, because you might very quickly dismiss the idea that they are narcissistic because you're like oh, I can see they are very fragile, they are very insecure. It seems obvious to me. So they must not be a narcissist. They're just lacking confidence or they just don't see how wonderful and how great they are.

Speaker 1:

People can get very much blindsided by a vulnerable narcissist. For that reason, the vulnerable narcissist is often the one who's going to seek out attention in a different way, a very different way than the grandiose narcissist. The vulnerable narcissist is not going to be the person who stands in the middle of the room and starts spouting out all of their accomplishments and sharing with everyone how smart they are, or anything like that. The way that they're going to get their supply met is by seeking out the pity of other people. They may seem like they're very humble in a lot of ways, but almost to a detriment, where they might downplay who they are, their accomplishments, what they actually think of themselves, so that other people boost them up. In that way, people see them as really insecure and that works in favor for the vulnerable narcissist, because if people view them as insecure, they're going to do what they can to boost you up, which really just feeds into the vulnerable narcissist's really fragile ego and gives them that supply that they need.

Speaker 1:

They also will be the type of people that might come across as people pleasers in some way. They tend to do a lot of kissing up to people and this will very much be in their external relationships, not in their primary or close and intimate relationships. This could even be the guy at the bar who's trying a little too hard to try and impress you or to impress your friends or something like that. Very early on in a relationship they're very eager to make sure that people like them. Vulnerable narcissists will come across as someone that a lot of people do, like they're going to be. Maybe potentially they might even look like people pleasers in some way, where they have a hard time saying no to other people, because if they say no to other people then they may not like them. That's a big thing for a vulnerable narcissist is that fear of rejection or that fear of abandonment. They're going to suck up and do what they have to do to get people to like them, but it's not really who they are. They might harbor a lot of resentment as a result of that, but sometimes they do that through excessive generosity. They might go above and beyond for someone else. They do that because they need that recognition. They need that validation that they're a good person or that feeds their ego in some way. They do that as a way to just receive that attention and that admiration that they really desire and that they really desperately seek as a way to support their low sense of self-worth.

Speaker 1:

The next two main types of narcissists are communal narcissists and malignant narcissists. Communal narcissists are the people perhaps, maybe even in your community you might be able to identify the communal narcissist. They're usually the people who are the do-gooders right. They're the ones who might go out of their way to volunteer and perform a lot of acts of service for their community. Now, obviously, that's not to say that anyone who's volunteering their time or who's giving back to their community is necessarily a communal narcissist. But what you have to understand is that with a communal narcissist, there is an underlying motivation to get commended for that service that they're providing. They tend to be seeking out praise and recognition for their acts of service, and so it can be hard to understand whether or not someone is actually doing it from a good place in their heart where they want to give back, or if they're doing it with this underlying motivation of trying to get their supply met by getting the recognition and attention and the outside validation through helping other people.

Speaker 1:

The communal narcissist can be a little bit trickier to identify. These are the people who are doing a lot of good for the community, which is great. We need people like that, but we need people to do that from a good place, whereas the communal narcissist really, they have an underlying motivation. That underlying motivation is to get their narcissistic supply in return. They want to make sure that when they do things that other people do recognize it, that other people do see it and commend them for it. And so what they'll do is they might self-proclaim all of these amazing things that they do. So in conversation with them they might make comments like oh yes, I'm on the board of this charity and I've given so much money to this foundation and this organization and I contribute so much and I give back to my community and it's a really big deal.

Speaker 1:

But they'll say it in a way where they're looking for attention for it. They're looking for that recognition. They're looking for someone to announce publicly to everyone else how wonderful this person is because they do so much, and that just feeds that communal narcissist's ego, right? So they might brag a lot about how little they spend on themselves or how little time they have because they're volunteering all of their free time and helping others. They might also talk about how their charitable work is so important because they are changing the world and they have this mission to give back, and so they make it sound like they are sacrificing or they're murdering themselves to some charitable cause, but, as a result, like what they're doing really is talking about it in that way because they want that recognition in return, they're going to appear like they're really selfless, right? They're going to appear like they give so much of themselves. But if you were to look behind the curtain, so to say, and dig a little deeper, you might find that they're very protective and territorial about the charity that they're involved in and that they're really ultimately looking for that pat on the back rather than actually being really passionate about the goal that they're trying to achieve or the work that they're doing, or the work that they're supposedly doing. Right, because sometimes they can even overinflate their role and the impact that they have had on their community or on the organization that they're volunteering their time for or whatnot. So, again, like just looking and reading between the lines to understand is someone doing this often enough, where they are looking for something deeper? Right? Are they really looking just to get their needs met, to feel like they're important, to feel like they are worthy? And again, like they do this as a way to support their very low self-esteem, and they might even lack their sense of self. So they might even attach themselves to a charity or an organization and that becomes their persona or their identity. Like I am the person, I am the face of the charity, and that might be self-serving as opposed to being really heart-led.

Speaker 1:

The last main type is a malignant narcissist. This is probably the most toxic type of narcissist because they are highly manipulative. They are exploitative for their own pleasure, right when they are going to get to know someone and then use that deeper understanding of someone else to manipulate them. What I mean by that is, a malignant narcissist will often show up as someone who might appear to be a very good listener. The thing is is that they're listening so attentively with the underlying motivation of getting to know you and your weaknesses really, really well, so that they can use them against you later on. For example, you might be a very empathetic person and what they'll do is they'll kind of test your empathy to see like, well, how deep does your empathy go? And then maybe they'll use that empathy against you later on. Malignant narcissists tend to be overt, and then we're going to talk a little bit more about what other subtype they fall into as we get further down into our discussion.

Speaker 1:

The other thing with the malignant narcissist is that they are really toxic, as we said, and they're highly manipulative. But they also might be very paranoid, right. They might be the type of person that feels like the world is out to get them. They might believe that no one else has good intentions. They might even be anti-social, so they might even feel like no one else is really worth getting to know or they're not worthy of their time in some ways. And the thing is is that you might notice that they might actually be a really good listener with you.

Speaker 1:

So if you're coming into a relationship with a malignant narcissist and they're telling you that they don't really like people, or they come across and you notice that they're very anti-social but they take a special interest in you, you, as like codependent person who may also be coming from a place of low self-worth or a lack of a sense of self, might feel very Charmed by the fact that they're taking an interest in you, because that feels really good. It might be filling some sort of hole in your soul when they do that, and that's all part of the manipulation. So, whether or not they are actually anti-social, they might. They might truly be anti-social, but they also might be anti-social because they might have actually burned a lot of relationships in their life. They may have actually destroyed a lot of their friendships and and that's something to be mindful of.

Speaker 1:

So if you meet someone and you begin to notice that they don't have a lot of close relationships around them, there's a potential there that they might be a malignant narcissist, right and again, like they can exhibit these anti-social traits and stuff. But there also could be a deeper reason as to why they can also be really deceitful. So they might tell lies to make you believe something other than what is true about who they are about. In this example when I said, like they may not have a lot of close friendships, they might tell you all these stories about all these people who have done these things to them and that's the reason why they're no longer in their life. Well, if that happens, I would encourage you to get curious to understand what actually happened.

Speaker 1:

They're very harmful, very hurtful, very manipulative behaviors which can cause a lot of pain to the people that are in a relationship with this type of person. And what they'll notice with the malignant narcissist is that they often really don't have any kind of remorse for what they're doing, because they've had an ulterior motivation the whole time, which is literally just to get their needs met, just for them to feel important and to feel powerful. And it could come from, obviously, again back to childhood trauma, where maybe they had a parent that completely neglected them, maybe they never felt like anyone cared about them, and so they've learned these really toxic ways in order to get the attention, to feel important, to feel like they are lovable, to feel like they matter in any kind of way, and so they exploit others to do that. Their ultimate goal really is to control and to dominate others. So we see a lot of coercive control in these types of relationships, and it could be subtle or it could be much more overt. So let's just take a step back and kind of divide these different Four main types into the first subtype of overt versus covert. Okay, as we mentioned, the grandiose narcissist is going to be very overt, right? So their methods of manipulation and their narcissistic tendencies and their tactics for manipulating other people are going to be a lot more obvious and out in the open for all to see. The Same is going to apply for communal narcissist and malignant narcissists, right? So while perhaps maybe these manipulative tactics are not as Obvious always at the onset, over time if you pay attention and you have awareness around it, it's going to become very obvious to you because they are going to be out in the open and a lot of people might dismiss those manipulative tactics or those behaviors because they think that perhaps this person is a good person and oh, they're just really insecure and oh, I understand, like they're just constantly seeking out attention or validation and and not really understanding that they're actually doing it with mal intent in some ways, right, or that they're doing it in a way that's actually hurtful and toxic to other people. The vulnerable narcissists out of the four main types is the only one, really, that falls into the covert category, where their methods are a lot harder to detect because they often are Doing things that are below the level of awareness of the people that they are Victimizing.

Speaker 1:

Let's then kind of talk about the subtype, the second subtype, right. So that's subtype one. Subtype one is overt versus versus covert. For the Subtype two, type narcissists, we've got the somatic narcissists and we have the cerebral narcissist, and this describes what the narcissist Primarily, you know, values in themselves or in others. So a somatic narcissist is going to be someone who is very obsessed with the body.

Speaker 1:

Right, that could be their own body, their own physical appearance. Right, this could be the Type of narcissist that spends a lot of time at the gym or who Goes on these crazy diets. You know, it has a crazy fitness routine that they have to stick to in order to feel good about themselves. Right, they need to look a certain way, you? It could also be someone who really values appearances, and that doesn't necessarily mean just their own appearance, right, they might be very vain. They might care a lot about how they look. They may not, you know, ever leave the house without makeup, which I'm going to admit right now. I'm like that. I don't like to leave the house without wearing some kind of makeup, and, yes, that does point to my deep insecurity. The problem would be if I were projecting that on out onto other people, right? So this type of narcissist will not only care so much about their appearance. They will also care very much about the appearance of the people that they associate with or their children. Right, so this would be the type of narcissistic parent who would put a lot of pressure on their children to make sure that they dress a certain way, that they look a certain way, that they behave a certain way, that they achieve certain things, because the outward appearance of their children, they believe, is a direct reflection of them.

Speaker 1:

The somatic narcissist is also going to be someone who cares about who's in their friend's circle, right? It's almost like this game of well, who do you know? And if you know the right people, then you can be part of their inner circle, right? Just like they value the people that they know that are going to elevate them in some way. Right, that's a very narcissistic type of behavior and it comes down to more of the things that they value in themselves or what they value in their connections, because they believe that their relationships even say something about them.

Speaker 1:

Then there's the cerebral narcissist and again, this can also play into like a who do you know type of thing with a narcissist, but it's more about like who knows the most? Right? The cerebral narcissist is really going to value knowledge and education and place a lot of emphasis on accomplishments. So those could be. They themselves might come off as know-it-alls. They know everything. No one can know more than what they know. So they might like portray themselves as like the most intelligent person in the room, or try to prove to everyone that they're the most intelligent one in the room. This can also play into wanting to impress people with their accomplishments and their position of power, and so this might be the person who, when you're in conversation with them, is constantly telling you about all of the recognition that they've received in their career, or all of the degrees that they have, or all of the success that they've experienced in their life and in their career. They also might impress upon their children if they are a narcissistic parent, right, they might impress upon their children that education is the most important thing and that without an education or without a degree, or without an advanced or higher level degree, then they're not worthy of success or they're not worth the parent's time or attention or anything like that. Right, the parent is going to reward the child for doing well in school and will push them harder and harder and harder. Because again, it comes back to that idea that it is a reflection upon the narcissistic parent and who they are when their child succeeds and achieves, and all of that. So the cerebral narcissist might even use their children as these ploys or these representations, maybe even for the things that they are lacking in themselves, they might be lacking in their perception of themselves. They might project out onto their children.

Speaker 1:

There's then the third subtype, and so this third subtype, and just to go back real quick, so those four main types the communal, the malignant, the grandiose and the vulnerable they can be one of the somatic or the cerebral type of narcissists. They could be a mix of both, right, depending on what they value. Again, like people do not make perfect formulas, so we can't just throw everyone into a specific box, but I just wanted you to understand that it is possible for someone to have a blend at least of both of those, and also each main type can be either, or as opposed to the subtype one, with the overt versus the covert. You know, we do generally tend to see that vulnerable narcissists are more covert and malignant. Communal and grandiose narcissists tend to be a little bit more overt with the way in which they try to get their needs met.

Speaker 1:

We then have the subtype three and the subtype three. This is a special subtype and they do show similarities to some other psychological and personality disorders. So the sadistic subtype of narcissist is going to be similar to a sociopath, meaning that they are going to actually derive a lot of pleasure from hurting other people or from watching other people suffer in pain. So they might cause physical or psychological harm or pain to other people. Or, likewise, they might actually really enjoy watching someone else that they supposedly love or care about, or just even other people, be tortured or tormented or in pain. Okay, so they get enjoyment out of that, which is obviously sadistic. Right, we know what that word means. We use it often, but I think when we have to try and tie it back to what a sadistic type of narcissist might do, it's a little bit harder to understand that people are actually deriving pain from this, and sometimes a lot of narcissists that have this subtype are also very malignant at the same time. So it can be someone who's a malignant.

Speaker 1:

Sadistic narcissist is someone who is going to have a high disregard for other people's well-being. They're going to actually have a high need for admiration and they might even have a really high sense of self-worth, believing that they are more important than other people by doing things that inflicts pain or hurt onto other people and then watching them suffer as a result of it. That, in a way, makes that malignant, sadistic narcissist feel powerful. It feeds their power needs. It allows them to feel like they're more important. That's how they get their narcissistic supply. That's how they get validation that they are more important and more powerful and that their well-being or that their needs are more important, or that they themselves, just in general, for being who they are, are more important than other people, and other people are expendable.

Speaker 1:

We then have the inverted narcissist, and this type of narcissist is oftentimes more associated with vulnerable, covert narcissists. This subtype points to specifically that victimhood mindset of a covert narcissist, where they believe that everything always happens to them. They don't feel like they have any sort of ownership or accountability in their life for the things that they have experienced in their life. It's always everyone else's fault as to why they can't hold a job, or it's everyone else's fault as to why they're unhappy. They tend to do a lot of blame shifting and we do kind of see this across the different types, but with the vulnerable inverted narcissist we see it a little bit more often and it can become a really obvious pattern once we're tuned into it. This subtype of inverted narcissist only applies to vulnerable, covert narcissists, and they are also often very codependent. Now, I would say that all narcissists are actually codependent, but in this particular instance, the vulnerable, covert, inverted narcissist is going to be obviously codependent and they'll attach themselves to other narcissists, potentially to feel special, or they will attach themselves to other codependents as well.

Speaker 1:

That fear of abandonment and rejection can really be a big theme for them. In other words, they might try very hard to prove themselves in a lot of ways that aren't going to be so obvious, right? They're not going to be overt and out there for everyone to see. They're going to do it in more covert ways and it might look like more passive-aggressive comments. These are the type of narcissists that might make those really insecure comments about how they love you so much and no one will ever love you as much as they do. That's because they have the fear of abandonment, the fear of rejection, and so what they're going to do is they're going to try to subtly convince you by saying something like that. That sounds in the beginning of a relationship, sounds so charming, it sounds like something that is innocent, when really there is a covert manipulation happening there. They want you to believe that no one else is going to love you the way they do, that they are special because they love you the way that they do. What that implies is that you are so difficult to love that no one else is going to love you. Right? That you're not actually lovable, that they're doing you a favor. That's how that manipulation works. Again, you can see how it can happen so covertly and how, when it's said very early on in a relationship, when our bodies being flooded with serotonin and dopamine and oxytocin, we don't take it to mean anything other than like oh, that's so sweet to say they love me so much. Right, that's the part that we accept, and we're not really thinking about that second half of that statement, which is I'm not lovable, really right, and they're doing me a favor by loving me as much as they do.

Speaker 1:

I hope that helps you understand the different types of narcissists. I know that we went through a lot of information. You might have a ton of questions. You might still be wondering whether or not someone you know or someone you're in a relationship with is a narcissist, and if that is the case, then please feel free to reach out and book a 30-minute discovery call with me. I'd be happy to chat with you.

Speaker 1:

It's not my job to diagnose anyone. I can share with you the patterns of behavior, the maladaptive traits that narcissists often exhibit, and can help you begin to understand, maybe, why you even attracted these types of people into your life A lot of times. The patterns of behavior are very familiar to what we may have experienced in childhood, and so we'll see that the pattern might repeat. It might be different types of narcissists in from relationship to relationship. However, there is still that common theme of it being an unhealthy and a toxic relationship with just another type of narcissist.

Speaker 1:

In our next episode, I'm probably going to dive into what keeps us stuck in these relationships. We're going to talk about the cycle of narcissistic abuse, and we'll talk a little bit about the trauma bond and why it's so hard to break it when we come out of these relationships. If you have any questions in the meantime, you know where to find me head on over to our Stepping Into Meaningful Relationshipscom website and feel free to leave me a voice note, send me a comment, send me questions, and if you have an idea for a future episode, I'd love to hear that too. Until next week, everyone be well. If you're hearing this message, that means you've listened all the way to the end, and for that I am truly grateful.

Speaker 1:

If you enjoyed this episode and found it valuable, would you mind leaving us a review? Wherever you listen to podcasts and sharing it with others? If you'd like to connect with me for one-on-one coaching or human design reading, you can find me on my website or on social media. Also, if you have a topic you'd like me to discuss on a future episode, please DM me. Be sure to tune in next week for another episode of Stepping Into Meaningful Relationships.

Understanding Narcissists' Behavior and Types
Understanding Types of Narcissists
Types of Narcissists and Their Behaviors