Cultivating Peace Amidst Emotional Overwhelm and Global Tragedy

Imagine navigating life's tumultuous times with an inner peace that radiates outward, transforming your relationships and sparking a ripple effect that could contribute to global harmony. This is the stirring exploration we embark on in our latest conversation, beginning with the profound yet often overlooked practice of self-love. We delve into how nurturing ourselves emotionally can become the fertile ground for more meaningful relationships and foster a deeper connection with our own selves. Together, we learn to embrace compassion and kindness, especially in overwhelming times, as a stepping stone towards individual peace and global transformation.

In the second part of our conversation, we venture into the intricate labyrinth of narcissism and codependency, unearthing their roots in the absence of self-love. We question societal norms that often teach us to neglect our own needs and self-care, bringing to light how breaking free from these patterns can empower us. We explore the importance of setting emotional boundaries, rejecting external validation, and fostering self-love. Our journey of self-discovery also delves into the delicate balance between self-love and service to others. Join us as we uncover the strength in vulnerability and the peace in embracing our true selves.

Click here to access the FREE Guide to Cultivating More Self-Love. 

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Corissa is a Somatic Trauma-Informed Relationship Coach™ & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist ™ who empowers women after they’ve endured narcissist trauma to rediscover who they are, reclaim their power and find the clarity and courage to move forward and live a life they love. Corissa is also a recovering people-pleaser and codependent who has endured way too many narcissistic relationships to count! She coaches not only from her knowledge and training but also from the wisdom she has gained from her own healing journey.

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Website: www.corissastepp.com
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Transcript

Corissa Stepp: 0:09

Welcome to the Stepping Into Meaningful Relationships podcast. I'm your host, carissa Stepp. I'm a relationship and human design coach, and this podcast is designed to help you create a stronger connection to yourself so you can transform the relationships around you, whether that be with your partner, a friend, a parent, a child or your business. We'll be looking at relationships through the lens of human design, and my guests and I will bring you the tools, tips and tricks to create deeply meaningful connections with others. But first let's start with you. The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Thank you for tuning in. Now let's get to today's episode. Welcome, welcome back to another episode.

Corissa Stepp: 0:56

So I've been going back and forth about what to share on the podcast this week and we've been talking a lot about relationships, and we talked about family dynamics and trauma, bonds and emotional intimacy and quieting or inner critic. These are just some of the topics that we've been talking about lately, and there are so many different directions that I could go with that. However, it's hard to talk about these things and not at least acknowledge that right now in our world we have some very devastating and traumatic events happening over in Israel, I think perhaps maybe many of you can relate to this, but I know that my heart especially feels very heavy at this time and I've been doing a lot of work around supporting my human body through all of this, because I feel at times very overwhelmed by the emotions that come along with this heaviness and sadness and this tragedy and loss of life and the circumstances and situations that women and children and men are dealing with over there. So there's a part of me that feels guilty. Right, I feel guilty that I'm here in my safe, quiet little corner of the world behind this mic, where I don't have to fear for my life. Right, I don't have to fear for my safety. With that being said, plenty of us are living out a life based in fear on a daily basis, and it may not be that we feel threatened physically. It may not be that we are afraid for the lives of our children, of our families or of ourselves, but we do have a lot of fear programming. Again, that inner critic comes in and will sponsor a lot of our fear based behaviors as a way to keep us safe. So I thought that perhaps what I would focus on today is giving you some grounding tools to help you in these moments where perhaps, maybe even your subconscious mind is perceiving a threat or a danger and is getting triggered, causing you to react in a way that is emotional, that may be sponsored by underlying fear.

Corissa Stepp: 3:44

And the way I look at it is that, as much as all of us would love to have world peace, where it begins is at an individual level. So many of us are sitting here thinking I wish there was something I can do, and I know even in my own community we've got lots of incredible volunteers who have been collecting all types of items to send overseas for these people who have been displaced, who have missing family members, who don't have access to a lot of the things that we still have access to in this country, and I think that those are admirable and very much needed efforts for sure, 100%, not to mention all the people that are now going and volunteering to help out in some former fashion. And so I'm not saying that that is not commendable, because it absolutely 100% is, but there are many of us who are like well, I don't know what else I can personally do outside of donating items or sending prayers, which is important when we send positive energy, when we send our love that actually does have an impact. But how do we actually go about creating world peace? Well, it begins by finding and creating the peace within our own hearts first. It begins on a very micro level. It begins with you.

Corissa Stepp: 5:18

So, in those moments when you are feeling overwhelmed with emotion, I want you to take a few deep breaths, place a hand on your heart or just lay your hands gently in your lap and ask yourself the question what do I need in this moment to feel safe, to feel grounded, to feel supported and to feel loved. And it could be something just as simple as I need to eat a nourishing meal, I need to drink a big glass of water. You know, I need to lie down for 10 minutes, I need to go connect with a friend that I haven't spoken to in a while. Whatever that looks like for you, that's important to acknowledge. We need to take care of ourselves. We need to show ourselves the compassion and the kindness and the care that we need in these moments when we're feeling so overwhelmed and dysregulated by the news reports or by things that are going on in our lives, because we also have our own stress. Maybe we're struggling in our relationships, maybe we're struggling in our career, maybe we're struggling with parenting our children. So where we can give back to ourselves is important, because we can't give to everyone else or anyone else if we are not first doing the things that we need to do to take care of us. It's kind of like being on the airplane when the oxygen masks drop down. What do they always tell you? Put yours on first before you try to assist somebody else, because you're no good to anyone else. If you pass out on that plane without any oxygen, you can't help anyone, and it's the same thing. You can't help anyone until you start to take care of yourself. You can't help create peace in this world if you have not found your own inner peace. So the way we find our peace is by learning, I believe, to love ourselves in a healthy way.

Corissa Stepp: 7:24

We talk a lot about narcissism on this podcast. I try not to, but it tends to come up a lot because it's my world. I deal with a lot of narcissistic abuse and when I use the word narcissist, I'm not trying to label somebody, because I don't believe that we should be labeling people. When I talk about it, it is to refer to a toxic set of behavioral patterns and traits that somebody else has adapted as a way to keep themselves safe, as a way to self-preserve, their own self-worth, their own sense of worthiness, their own sense of loveability, all of that. So when we talk about narcissism, we talk about having an unhealthy amount of self-love.

Corissa Stepp: 8:07

But really, if we were to look more closely, narcissists even though they might be acting like they really are into themselves or they're always putting themselves first at the end of the day if we were to look deeper, they actually are in a deficit of self-love. They are trying to overcompensate for that with their behavior. And then, on the other side of that, we've got codependence. So many of us are codependent, whether or not we realize it. We have been immersed into a society that normalizes codependency. It's normalized through the movies we watch, the books we read, the music we listen to. We are taught this and indoctrinated it into this idea that we're here to serve other people, maybe through our religious upbringing, that we need to think of others. But we forget that we also have to include ourselves in that equation. It's important that we also meet our own needs, that we also prioritize our own self-care, that we also do the work to learn how to love ourselves and to discover new things about ourselves on a daily basis, because I truly believe that most of us are on a journey of self-discovery. That's why we're here. Your purpose is to be you, and the journey is about discovering who that is.

Corissa Stepp: 9:38

We live in a world of duality, of good and bad, of light and dark, of black and white. We cannot know ourselves until we experience what we are not, and so often times we cannot experience or know what it is to love ourselves until we spend the time not loving ourselves, as sick and twisted as that might sound. But if you look at it, we cannot appreciate the light without experiencing and understanding what it is to be in the dark. It's the law of relativity Everything is relative to something else. So we all get conditioned in some way, no matter what our experiences are.

Corissa Stepp: 10:17

Whether we grew up in a family that we think was healthy or a family that we think was dysfunctional, we all get conditioned to believe at some level that we're not good enough, that we are not worthy, that we are not important, that we are not capable and some variation of those things. We all carry these worthiness wounds, and it's not until we do the work and we wake up one day and we realize wait a second, who am I? I don't even know who I am. How did I get here? I thought this was what I wanted. I created the lifestyle that I wanted, but did I create the life that I wanted? That's the question. And when we dive deeper into that question, we have to look at who we are, because we are the ones who have created it. Was I creating from a place of love or was I creating from a place of fear? Because those are two very different paths. They create two very different outcomes. So where in your life are you creating from fear and where in your life are you creating from love?

Corissa Stepp: 11:25

And that's our job to try to make sure that we are creating safety within us by learning how to listen to our bodies, to listen to our inner wisdom, to listen to the things that we get triggered by in our relationships, so that we can dig deeper, to get to a deeper level of understanding of who we are and understand why we are feeling triggered. What is it pointing to? What is it about? Whatever triggered us, are we interpreting to mean something about us that actually isn't true, but that we have believed for most of our lives. And then how do we unravel that so that we no longer get triggered by some underlying belief that we know is not true? That's where all the work comes in, and the thing is is that I think also, so many of us end up doing this I'm going to call it shadow work so many of us martyr ourselves to doing the shadow work that we just focus on all the things that are wrong. We focus on all the things in our past that have hurt us, that have caused us pain and that keep us stuck in victimhood.

Corissa Stepp: 12:46

And when we can consciously decide that we no longer want to be the victim, that we are no longer at the mercy of, why does everything happen to me and flip the script and start looking at it like? I get the opportunity to respond differently this time, to create something new, to transform the old into something different. I get to take that pain and turn it into power, which sounds so cliche, but what can I learn from my past so that I don't recreate that in my future? The time is now. Now is the present moment. You get to decide to rewrite that narrative so that you are more empowered to step out of your victimhood and into your role as a creator, as a powerful co-creator with the universe. You can only do that when you feel worthy of stepping into that power, stepping into that version of yourself. So that's how we find our peace is by coming to terms with what we've experienced, acknowledging it, being aware of it, how it impacted who we are, how it created certain patterns of behavior, certain patterns of thinking. And now how do we disrupt that?

Corissa Stepp: 14:12

From this point forward, to create and change and do something different, to create something new, to create from a place of love. When we find that love within our heart for ourselves, it doesn't feel like a sacrifice when we want to share it with other people. We don't do it from a place of if I do this for you, then I am worthy. If I do this for you, then you will love me. If I do this for you, then I am valuable, then I am important.

Corissa Stepp: 14:45

We do it from a place without any kind of expectation of anything else in return, but just knowing that we are worthy of love, of receiving, because we are who we are and we are acting and being someone who is very closely aligned to their heart, to the love in their heart, to their heart's intelligence and wisdom which, if we break it down, our mind keeps us stuck in that place of fear. The mind is constantly accepting or rejecting or denying in order to keep us safe. The mind creates the fear to keep us safe, to stop us from going outside of our comfort zone. But our heart, our heart wants to lead us forward into bigger, better possibilities. Our heart wants us to embrace our power and to feel and experience the peace that is available to us when we come back to feeling safe, to be ourselves. And when we can do that, then we can accept that we are also human and that we're not perfect, but that we are lovable just the same. And then we can extend that love to other people who are different from us, who are on a different path, who have made different choices, who have different beliefs, and it's okay. We recognize that we're all on our own journey at different points, but we're all here to figure out who the frick we are and to learn how to love ourselves so that we can truly love and embrace others as well. And that's where the peace comes in. You step into your sovereignty, you give other people the permission to do the same. But when you do that and you do that with love in your heart you realize that it's not a competition.

Corissa Stepp: 16:42

Being a leader doesn't mean fighting for power. Being a leader means acknowledging and accepting all of those who are different and finding a way together on how to move forward, even if we want to go in different directions. It's choosing love. It's choosing love over choosing a side. It's choosing love over judgment. It's choosing love over hate. It's choosing love over fear. That is the path that we're being asked to go down, and it begins with us, at a very micro level, so that we can have a collective impact. It's not labeling people. It's understanding that perhaps some of us are not ready to do the work yet. We're not ready to open our eyes to our pain, to our wounds, to our hurt, recognizing that while we may not be responsible for what we've experienced, necessarily in the things that have hurt us, but it is our responsibility to process and to heal from it and to not inflict that pain on other people and to not project it either. In these moments that feel really heavy and really hard, where can you offer yourself more compassion, more empathy, more kindness, more care? And if you start with yourself, you will begin to see the shifts in your relationship because you'll be able to offer it as well to the people around you.

Corissa Stepp: 18:20

Love is energy and we know well I know as a medium that you cannot destroy love. When someone you love passes, the love that you shared doesn't just vanish, doesn't just go away. It continues to exist. It is energy. You cannot destroy energy. So if you're struggling to feel any kind of love or warm feelings towards yourself, what I would love to invite you to do is to try to connect with your loved ones who have gone before you or maybe for you. It's the universe, god, source, spirit, your Spirit guides, angels, your higher self, whatever works for you, and when you connect with their energy, you will feel how much they love you unconditionally. It might move you to tears, but rely on that Feel that, allow yourself to be immersed in it until you can start to see yourself through the same lens of love that they view you.

Corissa Stepp: 19:33

When I do mediumship readings, usually the first thing people want to let their living loved ones know when I'm connecting with people who have crossed over is that they love them, that they're still with them, and those messages come through, sometimes more articulate than others. They're beautiful, they're moving and I know when I've been on the receiving end of that. It brings so much peace. I walk away feeling comforted, calm, present and so loved. So imagine a world full of people who could love themselves unconditionally, regardless of whether or not they're perfect, whether or not they are a size two or a size 16, love themselves regardless of whether or not they're having a good hair day, whether or not they're in a relationship, whether or not they're succeeding at their job, whether or not they have X amount their bank account. We start stripping away all of these superficial things that we pine for, the things that we pin our value to that are external of us. We rob ourselves of our own inner peace, our own self-love. But when you connect something bigger than yourself, it's so easy to feel that love that transcends the material world, and that's what I want to get across to you today.

Corissa Stepp: 21:02

Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, to feel and cultivate that love for yourself, and that goes beyond just going to get your hair done, treating yourself to a cookie, getting a new pair of shoes. It transcends all of that. That's not what I'm talking about when I'm talking about take care of yourself. When I say take care of yourself, I mean something as simple as what is your body needing in this moment? To feel supported. Maybe it needs to talk, maybe it needs to vent, maybe you need to just move your body. Maybe you just spend some time outside in nature, maybe you need to eat lunch. Whatever it is, do what your body is encouraging you and asking you to do. Tune into it and if it wants to cry or scream because intense emotions are coming up, allow that to. Don't resist it. Feel it. Allow the emotions to come up, allow yourself to feel them.

Corissa Stepp: 21:57

Provide the safe space for yourself to feel heard, because a lot of times people come to me and they're like I don't feel heard in my relationships, and sometimes I just want to say to them are you listening to yourself? Are you deeply tuning in to what you need, or are you self-sacrificing your needs for the needs of everyone else around you? Of course you don't feel heard in your relationships. You're not even acknowledging your own needs. First. It starts with you. I'm going to stop here because I feel like I could keep going and I don't want this to feel or sound like a lecture or a sermon or anything like that.

Corissa Stepp: 22:38

I really just want it to be a reminder that if you are sitting at home feeling overwhelmed, feeling frustrated, wondering when we're going to finally learn how to love and accept each other, I want you to look in the mirror and I want you to start learning how to love and accept yourself fully if you are not already For all of the parents out there, you start to do this for yourself. You are modeling for your children how to do it for themselves, and then we can have an impact on the future generations when we stop focusing on seeking external validation and instead learn how to recognize that we can self-validate for ourselves, that the love that we are chasing really comes from within us, instead of looking for the next person to love us, to be in relationship with us, to want to be with us, to want to talk to us, to hang out with us. It starts with us, and if you have to set a boundary around the information that you are taking in, around some of these events that are going on, because you're finding it really hard to get through a day because it's so distracting and it's so disruptive and it's so dysregulating and it's so upsetting, then you are responsible for setting that boundary as to how often you turn on the news channel, on the television or on the radio. If you need to limit your exposure for your own emotional well-being, that's okay. Maybe the boundary is I'm only going to check it once a day, or once every few days, or once a week. You don't need to know all the details that are going to keep you up at night. It's okay to set a boundary and not feel guilty about it, because in the meantime you're going to be cultivating that self-love so that you can send that love back out into the world where it is needed, to the people who cannot love themselves enough to know that they don't have to do things like this in order to feel powerful or important or worthy.

Corissa Stepp: 24:34

So, just like I said, you can bridge the gap by connecting with something bigger than yourself to feel the love you're unable to feel in your own heart for you. Maybe we can help bridge the gap by sending them the love that they are not capable of cultivating within their own hearts until they can learn how to access it for themselves. Don't allow them to steal your inner peace. Choose love over fear. Love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of the support that you need.

Corissa Stepp: 25:02

If you are struggling right now, reach out, find your people, talk with a therapist, come talk to me, find another coach, find somebody that can help you bridge that gap, for you to bring you back to yourself, to reconnect with your power, to reclaim your inner peace and to cultivate that self-love that is your inherent right as a human being, as a soul. And if you need to hear this today, I will say that I love you and I am grateful that you're here, that you're listening, and I hope that this helped you in some way. Maybe you planted a little seed and how. It's your job to water it and see what grows and what unfolds. And before I forget, you can actually head over to my website, charisastepcom, and download my free guide to cultivating more self-love. It is a resource that I created with you in mind.

Corissa Stepp: 26:03

If you have any suggestions about something that you would like me to talk about on a future episode, please feel free to reach out. Head on over to our brand new podcast website, stepping into Meaningful Relationships, where you can leave me a voicemail, a message or just connect with me directly. I thank you again. So much for tuning in today. I really hope that this was helpful and I'd love to hear your feedback. Until next week, everyone be well. If you're hearing this message, that means you've listened all the way to the end, and for that I am truly grateful. If you enjoyed this episode and found it valuable, would you mind leaving us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and sharing it with others? If you'd like to connect with me for one-on-one coaching or human design reading, you can find me on my website or on social media. Also, if you have a topic you'd like me to discuss on a future episode, please DM me. Be sure to tune in next week for another episode of Stepping into Meaningful Relationships.