The Ripple Effect of Dysfunctional Family Dynamics on Adult Relationships

Are you finding yourself repeating dysfunctional relationship patterns or trapped in toxic emotional bonds? The answers, as surprising as it may sound, might be rooted in your early childhood experiences. 

In this episode, I  guide you on a profound exploration into the impact of early trauma on your self-perception and the dynamics of your adult relationships. From the viewpoint of a Somatic Relationship Coach, you'll gain insight into the role of early experiences in shaping your nervous system's response to stress, leading to unhealthy patterns in your adult relationships.

Join us as we spotlight the persistence of dysfunctional family dynamics and the formation of trauma bonds into adulthood that often keep individuals stuck in abusive relationships. 

We dive into the psychology behind the addictive cycle of highs and lows often experienced in these relationships. We briefly discuss strategies to break free from these patterns and start healing from early childhood trauma. Whether you're seeking to understand your own behaviors or your partner's, you'll find this conversation enlightening. Discover how it's never too late to heal and rewrite your relationship story.

________________________

Corissa is a Somatic Trauma-Informed Relationship Coach™ & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist ™ who empowers women after they’ve endured narcissist trauma to rediscover who they are, reclaim their power and find the clarity and courage to move forward and live a life they love. Corissa is also a recovering people-pleaser and codependent who has endured way too many narcissistic relationships to count! She coaches not only from her knowledge and training but also from the wisdom she has gained from her own healing journey.

Book a FREE 30-minute Confidential Clarity Call HERE.

Ways to connect with Corissa:

Podcast Website
Website: www.corissastepp.com
Community: StrongHER
Instagram: @corissastepp
Facebook: Corissa Stepp

We'd love to hear what you think so leave a voice message on our Podcast Website. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, rate, review, or share it so we can reach more people!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Welcome to the Stepping Into Meaningful Relationships podcast. I'm your host, carissa Stepp. I'm a relationship and human design coach, and this podcast is designed to help you create a stronger connection to yourself so you can transform the relationships around you, whether that be with your partner, a friend, a parent, a child or your business. We will be looking at relationships through the lens of human design, and my guests and I will bring you the tools, tips and tricks to create deeply meaningful connections with others. But first let's start with you. The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Thank you for tuning in. Now let's get to today's episode. Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Stepping Into Meaningful Relationships. I'm your host, carissa Stepp, and today we're diving deep into a topic that's close to my heart, because it's something that I work with clients on on a daily basis. It's about how early childhood trauma can profoundly affect our perception of ourselves and the dynamics within our relationships. Before we begin, I want to emphasize that today's discussion is rooted in a trauma-informed perspective, and we'll be approaching this topic with sensitivity and care, focusing on providing depth and understanding. Let's start by understanding the impact of early childhood trauma on self-regulation. Early experiences play a crucial role in shaping our nervous system's response to stress. When children grow up in environments marked by neglect, abuse or unpredictability, their nervous systems, which get dysregulated often, can, over time, cause children to struggle with managing stress effectively. This constant dysregulation often leads to heightened anxiety, hypervigilance or emotional numbing. As a somatic relationship coach, I've seen how these children now adults who have spent their lives stuck in fight-or-flight or freeze, end up in unhealthy patterns in their adult relationships. Those who have experienced early trauma may find themselves easily triggered and reacting to situations in ways that seem out of proportion. The fight-or-flight response that's so deeply ingrained from childhood can hinder their ability to navigate conflicts or connect with others in a healthy way, sometimes leading to dissociation or getting stuck in a freeze response. Early trauma can also impact self-perception. Children often internalize their early experiences, forming beliefs about themselves based on how they were treated.

Speaker 1: 3:18

In dysfunctional family dynamics where emotional needs go unmet, children often develop negative self-perceptions. They may feel unworthy, unlovable, or believe they must be perfect to receive love or that love has to be earned. These negative self-beliefs can persist into adulthood, becoming the lens through which they view themselves. As a result, they may attract partners who reinforce these damaging beliefs, perpetuating unhealthy relationship patterns. Now let's dive deeper into those dysfunctional family dynamics.

Speaker 1: 3:51

For example, families marked by narcissistic abuse, addiction or chronic instability can contribute to these patterns. Children in these environments often adapt by becoming people-pleasers, caretakers, peacemakers or withdrawing to protect themselves. These roles can persist in adulthood, influencing their choice of partners and the dynamics within their relationships. The people-pleaser, for example, may attract partners who are emotionally unavailable, while the caretaker might find themselves in codependent relationships. The peacemaker may find themselves making excuses for their partner's abusive behavior. A family marked by narcissistic abuse, where one member seeks to dominate and control others emotionally, will result in children of such families developing survival strategies to cope. For example, a child might learn to suppress their own needs and feelings to avoid triggering the narcissistic family member's anger. This survival strategy, although necessary at the time, can hinder their ability to express themselves authentically later on in their adult relationships. The children may also learn that they have to earn or behave in a certain way in order to receive love, which can lead to pressure of constantly feeling like they have to prove their value in their relationships. This dynamic can make them susceptible to attracting unhealthy partners in their adult lives.

Speaker 1: 5:23

Now I'd like to discuss what a trauma bond is and how it forms in dysfunctional families. You may already be familiar with the term or perhaps it's new to you, but don't worry, because we're going to break it down. A trauma bond is usually why people who are in abusive relationships feel stuck. They become addicted to the chaos, the high highs and the low lows. The rejection and abuse is misconstrued as love, because in their childhood they went hand in hand. A trauma bond is a complex psychological connection that forms in abusive or neglectful relationships. In dysfunctional families, children can bond with their caregivers, even when the caregivers are the source of their pain. They learn that love is hard, or that it hurts, or it has to be earned. This bond or psychological connection is the reason why the patterns of behavior of toxic, unhealthy partners feel familiar to children who grew up in dysfunctional families. And let's just face it, many families are just that dysfunctional.

Speaker 1: 6:31

To dive a bit deeper, the reason why the adult child seeks out the constant love, validation and approval from their partners is because they are subconsciously trying to get the love, validation and approval that they never received as children from their parent or parents. They are trying to heal their worthiness wounds through their relationships, and this is true for all of us. We heal through our relationships because they reflect back to us the things that we need to heal. Our triggers are the subconscious messengers. They are our wounds shouting back at us, begging to be addressed, to be seen, witnessed, soothed and resolved, while our relationships serve as mirrors. It is our job to heal our inner wounds, not our partner's job to fix, rescue or heal what hurts deep inside of us. But I digress and I don't want to get lost too far down this rabbit hole.

Speaker 1: 7:35

Let's go back to talking about the abuse cycle and the trauma bond. During the abuse cycle, there are also chemicals that are secreted by the endocrine system that people become addicted to during the highs and the lows. In the highs, there is a release of the happy hormones oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine. In the lows, the body secretes cortisol, norepinephrine and epinephrine. The brain literally gets addicted to these ups and downs that are created by these hormones that are released by the endocrine system, and it becomes the superglue that bonds the relationship between the abuser and the adult child. The relationship becomes a chase for the next high. So, to summarize, a trauma bond is often rooted in a desperate need for love and approval.

Speaker 1: 8:26

Children may learn that the only way to receive any semblance of love or attention is by complying with the family's dysfunctional dynamics, even if it means enduring abuse. As they then grow into adulthood, this pattern of abuse, rejection and intermittent moments of love becomes familiar. It's what they've known and it feels strangely comforting in its twisted way. So they end up seeking out relationships as adults that replicate this pattern, and this may happen on a very subconscious level. Breaking free from these patterns and healing from early childhood trauma requires deep self-awareness and doing the inner work. It starts with recognizing these patterns and understanding their origins. As a somatic relationship coach and a narcissistic abuse specialist, I guide fiercely independent and intuitive women through this self-discovery process. We explore their emotional triggers, work on nervous system regulation, identify their self-beliefs that might be limiting them or holding them back. We explore their past experiences and family dynamics so they can reclaim their true selves and break these unhealthy patterns.

Speaker 1: 9:41

Now, if any of this resonated with you, any of which I've just shared, just I want you to know that healing is possible and it's never too late to rewrite your story and step into a meaningful, loving relationship and let go of these very unhealthy coping mechanisms, these patterns of behaviors that have kept you stuck for so long, attracting toxic partners into your lives or even just attracting toxic friendships into your life. I hope you found this episode helpful. We talked kind of about a lot, but I also shared it with you very quickly, so if you feel like you need to go back and re-listen to what I just shared to get a deeper understanding, then please do. If you want to dive deeper into any of the topics that I discussed whether it's childhood trauma or what it means to be trauma bonded to somebody else, if you want to understand more about the unhealthy behavioral patterns, whether that is of your partner or of yourself, then please feel free to reach out to me. I do have a master class that I would love to share with you that you can gain access to. If you're interested, just DM me the word Episode 35. And I'll be sure to send you the link so that you can access that master class and gain a deeper understanding of, maybe why you have attracted toxic partners or friends into your life and how to begin to uncover more of these patterns, so that you can understand what it is about your patterns that have attracted them, but also how you can begin to start to break free from all of this. So again, dm me Episode 35 and I will send you the link to access this master class that I have created for you.

Speaker 1: 11:37

Okay, I hope you found this episode helpful. Please share it with someone who you think might benefit from it, and remember that the journey to healing and creating healthier relationships begins with self-awareness and self-compassion, and the work starts with you. Until next time, everyone be well. If you're hearing this message, that means you've listened all the way to the end, and for that I am truly grateful. If you enjoyed this episode and found it valuable, would you mind leaving us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and sharing it with others? If you'd like to connect with me for one-on-one coaching or human design reading, you can find me on my website or on social media. Also, if you have a topic you'd like me to discuss on a future episode, please DM me. Be sure to tune in next week for another episode of Stepping into Meaningful Relationships.